Discord the Archduke
by AkumaKami64
Summary: Discord turn downed Tirek's offer. As a reward, Celestia grants him the Archduchy of the Everfree, making him the highest noble under the princesses. Naturally, no pony expects him to take being a noble seriously and just use the Everfree as his playground. Poor fools. As if he can't do a bit of both.
1. Discord and Celestia's Magical Surgery

Discord the Archduke

Disclaimer: I don't own MLP

Summary: Discord turn downed Tirek's offer. As a reward, Celestia grants him the Archduchy of the Everfree. Naturally, no pony expects him to take being a noble seriously and just use the Everfree as his playground. Poor fools. As if he can't do a bit of both.

Regular Speak

 _Thoughts and Flashbacks_

 **Demonic or Animalistic Speak**

 _ **Demonic or Animalistic Thoughts**_

Beta: Dragon_Wizard91

Celestia halted in mid-step through the castle halls, taking a stroll along the one that opened to the garden, as she heard a very distinct and familiar sound of a certain draconequus teleporting. Unsure what to expect from such a visit, she turned to face him.

She had to admit, she wasn't really surprised that Discord had turned the weapons and armor on her guards to be very heavy and thick stone replicas, making them strain and kneel under the weight, "You'd think they'd learned not to attack me when I pop in," he mused teasingly as he strolled past the two stallions.

"While unneeded, I appreciate their protectiveness even against overwhelming odds such as yourself," Celestia answered, allowing herself to smile with a meaningful glance at her soldiers.

Discord hummed and snapped his tail, turning the stone back into metal, "It must be nice, having ponies willing to live, serve and die beneath your hooves."

Despite the light hearted tone, there was neither mockery nor scorn accompanying that statement…but his eyes did glance at the garden with a small scowl.

"Flankhole," one of the guards muttered under his breath, glaring at the male immortal's backside.

Celestia chose that moment to change tracks, "I trust your task is going well?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Done, actually," Discord corrected with what he felt was an appropriate amount of smugness.

Celestia blinked at that, "Done? As in, you already found Tirek?" she questioned in surprise.

"I mean he's back in Tartarus. You really should get a new guard dog. Cerberus is a big softy," Discord suggested with a grin as he tossed a tennis ball up and down in his talons.

Celestia had been a bit wary of sending Discord, but she knew he could find the Tartarus escapee faster than anypony else. That didn't mean she expected him to be so efficient in completing the task. Her surprise melted into a proud, pleased smile, "That's wonderful, Discord. I was worried you'd have some trouble with such a foe," Celestia complimented openly, leaving out that she also expected him to drag his hooves, just a little bit.

Discord frowned in annoyance. "With the centaur, no, but his magic is another story," he responded as he snapped his fingers, making the tennis ball warp and grow into a glowing orange-red sphere, the size of a beach ball.

"What is that?" One of the guards asked in suspicion.

"This would be the amalgamation of about two dozen average unicorns worth of magic all clumped together. Or, in other words, enough to make pre-wing Twilight work for it," Discord answered, tossing it up to balance it with his tail while holding it between him and the princess, "I ripped it out of him rather easily but separating it into the right pieces to return to the unicorns? That's a bit trickier," he admitted with begrudging respect; for the magic or Tirek, it was hard to tell.

"I thought he could just snap his talons and do anything?" The other guard murmured to himself.

"Oh, I can," Discord acknowledged, smirking over his shoulder at the flinching guard before returning his eyes to the Alicorn, "But if I did, I can't guarantee everypony would get magic that is completely their own. Or I might even damage somepony's magic by forcing the wrong one into somepony else. And as amusing as some of the side effects could be, I decided to prove to you- if no pony else- that I can be considerate," Discord elaborated with an eye roll.

Celestia had spent most of the time studying the orb in front of her, but had listened to every word Discord said all the same, "I appreciate that Discord, I truly do," she acknowledged as she glared at the magical mixture, "Can you undo this?"

"You free? I could use a study partner and a bit of Alicorn magic might work better than chaos magic in this exact instance," he inquired with a head tilt.

"...Do you really want help or do you just want to mess with me?" Celestia asked dryly. Two columns suddenly form at either side of Discord. To his right was a golden one with a large A at the top. To his left was a similar construct, but made of fruit with a "B" made of bananas. Despite herself, Celestia smiled in amusement, "Very well then. I'd be more than happy to assist you on this," she consented as she turned around and began walking again, Discord joining at her side.

"So, how badly did the nobles annoy you today?" Discord asked in an idle, knowing tone.

"I wouldn't know what you mean," Celestia denied with a polite, political mask of disinterest.

Discord stared at her flatly, as if to say _'We're really doing this?'_ He glanced back at the guards and despite their stoicism and dislike for him, he could see it in their exasperated eyes: On this at least, they agreed with him.

"Princess Celestia," Celestia paused at the extra posh and snooty tone Discord put in his words. "I simply must have that loan to add the next floor to my mansion. I'm sure you trust that I and my family are good for it." She looked at him with a raised eyebrow as he continued in an indignant and self-assured voice. "Princess Celestia, I assure you that my tenant is lying, I never received any payment. Hmm? No, I don't recall buying my wife that new saddlebag." Her eye twitched as he went on with diplomatic-then-confused tones, "Princess Celestia, please understand, the Buffalo are simply unreasonable- what do you mean Twilight Sparkle and the Elements took care of it?" Now her guards were trying not to snicker, with decent success. "Auntie, please save me! A wild purple lizard is trying to eat me!" Discord finished in a convincing impression of a cowardly Blueblood.

Celestia stared at the smirking chaos lord for a long moment, glancing at her definitely-snickering guards, before letting out a sigh with a tired smile, "Moderately. They've been better ever since Luna officially started up the Night Court again. She has much less tolerance for their nonsense than I do," Celestia answered as she relaxed and continued walking.

"Please, their nonsense is amateur to my own," Discord said proudly, claw to his chest, "Speaking of our favorite Lunatic, how is she?"

"Sleeping. She prefers to start her evening before sundown and end it at sunrise," Celestia answered fondly.

"Not what I meant~," Discord corrected teasingly, getting a curious look in his amusement, "Come now, Celestia, if I listen to your Day Court drone on and on while playing the part of a gravestone, what makes you think I would dare turn a deaf ear to Luna's tutoring as she fumbles through and overreacts to all the new intricacies of this modern world?"

Celestia suddenly felt very sorry for her sister. She had listened to all of Luna's frustrations and personal issues with how the world had changed with patience and love, but she could only imagine how much material it was for Discord himself.

"...Oh come on, Celestia, don't look so grim about it," Discord complained with a grumpy frown, "It's not like I'd throw her into a strip club or something. You, maybe, but you do need to loosen up."

The guards seemed to choke on that one a bit as Celestia allowed her frown to fade for an amused look of her own, "We're here, Discord."

The serpentine entity did a double take on where they had stopped, allowing the topic to drop or forgetting it all together. "Your room? How daring," he teased with a half-lidded gaze as the guards at the door saluted Celestia and nodded to their brother-in-forelegs that had been accompanying them.

Celestia rolled her eyes at that, "It's more out of the way and private for what might become a very involved and hooves-on magical research," she pointed out as she opened the door, "After you?"

"Ahh, what a gentlemare," he quipped as he walked in, waiting until the door was closed as they both threw up their own sound-proofing spells, "So, what didn't you want to ask in front of your stooges?" he asked, tossing the magic ball to her carelessly.

Her eyes went wide as she quickly grasped it with her magic, scowling at him, "Shouldn't you be a bit more careful with this?" she scolded questioningly.

"Don't get your gilded shoes bent. It's immune to all physical damage," he retorted with a snort, moving to sit on a couch opposite the fireplace, "So, you know, don't go blasting it with that wand growing on your head."

Celestia rolled her eyes as she examined it, "Tirek, or whoever invented this magic, certainly made it hard to unbind the magics from one another. They're almost...stitched together."

"Maybe Doctor Frankenstallion created it," Discord suggested, stitches forming over his now-green body while giant bolts formed on his neck, little sparkles jumping off them.

"What exactly did happen with Tirek?" Celestia asked evenly as she passed the orb back to him.

Discord spun it on a talon like a basketball, "Right to business, eh? Well, I tracked him down to a little town near the east coast, Hollow Shades. Lovely place, seems like a place Luna would like," he started, the magic ball spiraling down his eagle limb before jumping into his lion paw, "I captured him right as he was finishing one last unicorn, put him in shackles and then put him back in his cage."

"That's all?" Celestia asked as Discord put his ear to the sphere for some reason.

"Good news, these definitely _are_ still each of those ponies' magic. Be rather troublesome if they were all actually converted into a new magic," Discord pointed out with the smile of a being out to solve a puzzle, "And no, that's not all. Ignoring some banter on my part, he tried to attack me with what magic he had. The beam, may I say, was laughable. Anyway, before I shoved him back downstairs, he offered to help me take over Equestria and let me return to my chaotic roots rather than put up with this new prison called friendship," he informed far, far too casually.

"..." Celestia stared at him for a moment, as if reappraising his threat level, refusing to let her facial muscles react.

Discord said not a word, letting Celestia sort herself out.

"Thank you," Celestia finally stated with a solemn look, "I...had worries about you since the Elements had to be returned to the Tree."

"Especially since that was a result of my Plunderseeds, making it seem like I neutralized the one threat to me," he commented, smirking as he took a sniff of the collection of magic and tossed it back to her, "Admit it, you thought I masterminded that?"

Celestia sighed as she reexamined the orb before heading over to a book shelf, "I'll admit it did cross my mind. Despite pretending to be a fool sometimes, I know better than anypony how dangerous your mind is," she said while pulling out a thick old tome.

"Then allow me to put your mind at ease: I legitimately had no idea those weeds were still around," Discord admitted, examining his lion claws.

"Then why didn't you get rid of them?" Celestia countered with a raised eyebrow.

"It was Twilight's first emergency since becoming a princess. I thought that it would be a good kick in the flanks, trial-by-fire type experience for her to have," Discord explained with a shrug, "Better that than something truly serious, eh?"

Celestia scowled before turning back to the book, "I hate that I agree with that on some level."

"What are you reading?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, peaking over the top of the book in a miniature form.

"Brushing off my knowledge of magical surgery techniques, see if that doesn't help," she answered, unphased and mostly not distracted by his tiny form.

"Ah, science. Mortals working to make sense of reality as they try to label and quantify everything. I'd hate the concept if it wasn't so fun to watch them try," Discord mused whimsically as he lay leisurely along the top of the book.

"Says the god with all the answers," Celestia retorted with an eye roll, glancing at him finally, "Ponies used to worship you, you know? Most races did until you decided to test out being a tyrant."

"Don't pretend like you were all innocent back then, Celly," Discord retorted evenly, completely unimpressed by the jab, "As chaotic as I made Equestria when I took over, we both know it was still a lot safer here than most other places while the Dark Ages hosted the contest for Ultimate Jackflankery."

Celestia didn't argue that point. The number of ponies that died as a result of Discord's mechanics was very low, especially compared to the likes of Sombra, "A contest most from the old days are still trying to win, it seems," she noted tiredly.

"Yes, well, that's the downside of mercy and forgiveness: repeat offenders," Discord mused with a shrug.

"And yet, here you are," Celestia retorted wryly, "You missed it, didn't you? The days when mortals respected you."

"You ever find it ironic that hospitality caught on was because you never knew when a stranger might be one of immortals?" Discord asked randomly, examining his talons idly.

Celestia shook her head in amusement as she closed the book, the tiny Discord floating away to re-enlarge himself in midair, "Now, let's see if this makes any headway," Celestia commented to herself as her golden magic turned silvery with green lines of magic forming over the orb of magic.

"If that thing explodes, I expect you to compensate me for whatever limb I'll have to replace after saving that pretty face of yours," Discord drawled with a wary smirk as he hovered near her.

Celestia raised an eyebrow at the statement, but kept her concentration on the task at hoof, "Discord, can you freeze time?" she asked curiously.

The draconequus opened his mouth than closed it as the question hit him, "Ten points for randomness, Celly," he praised with a curious, expectant look on his face.

"I believe that whatever cuts I am making between the magics are...re-stitching themselves faster than I can cut," she explained with a touch of annoyance.

"Sadly, the timestream is one of the few things that rail against my control. Otherwise, the girls would have never got me the second time," Discord elaborated with a scowl, looking up thoughtfully, "That said, it's not so feisty to mind me slowing its effects on a small localized area."

"How small?" Celestia inquired in curiosity.

"Pay me and I might let you and Luna take a day off in your bedrooms," Discord answered playfully.

"We just might," Celestia answered, letting some of her tiredness show, "If you would?"

Discord said nothing as his eyes turned light blue for a moment. The Alicorn briefly felt some strange magic wash over her before wrapping around the orb. She wasn't sure what had changed, but something looked different. Was it tinted with a bit of grey or blue now? Did its appearance shimmer like a mirage? It was hard to pinpoint.

"Pardon my wondering, but what would you have tried on this by yourself?" Celestia asked as she adjusted her surgical magic to the sensation of moving in an area of a temporal disturbance. It somehow took more effort to move and yet more concentration to stop at the right times.

"Drowning it in my magic," Discord answered bluntly.

Celestia breathed in sharply before exhaling in forced calm, "That explosion would have been on you," she stated flatly.

"Chaos is the parent and offspring of creation and destruction, Celestia. It breaks down itself to make things and breaks down things into itself," Discord stated, his jovial tone lost as his eyes continued to glow, "Since it only effects what I want it to effect, completely enveloping this beach ball of magic in my chaos allows me to seep into all the cracks and flaws in it. Ideally, I could have just eroded away the bonds between the magic without issue, but they are made from the pony magic AND Tirek's own, to the point of one fading into another," he explained, tapping his cheek in annoyance. "I could do it still, but it would erode away on the magics as well, leaving the ponies much weaker. Especially the poor saps at the center of this thing."

"You should try showing this side to Twilight sometimes," Celestia said with a smile as she began to cut into the time-altered mass of magic.

"Already tried that," Discord muttered with an eye roll.

"Hmm?" Celestia glanced at him momentarily, quickly going back to her work.

Discord didn't acknowledge her inquiry as he narrowed his gaze at their project. "Stop!" he exclaimed, making her flinch from the proximity. His tail shot forward and the hairs of the furry tip extended out to grasp the chunk that Celestia had cut out. The white strands grasping it from all sides and pulling it out of the temporal bubble, making the time distortion ripple as the slice of magic skid across the floor.

"Really?" Celestia questioned in a monotone.

"I'm not going to be physically careful with something that's impervious to nonmagical damage," Discord reminded thoughtfully as he hovered over to the separated piece...which looked so much like an orange, it wasn't even funny. Okay, it was, but he was in what Twilight would call a scientist mode. He didn't run across new magic like this often and it had peaked his curiosity.

Both of them watched in interest as the orb fragment started to let off a red steam while it began to dissolve into three smaller orbs of magic: one green, another blue with red stripes, and the last white with a purple halo.

"...Are you doing that or is that how they're supposed to look?" Celestia asked in bewilderment, having never seen magic present itself like that.

"Not naturally, but I've seen it happen. This little vamperic bit of magic must have been based on an old collection spell used for gathering samples of or even the entirety of one's magic, to make them easier to identify," Discord explained, levitating the balls over to him, take a sniff out of the blue and red one.

"Why would anypony do that- and do you have to lick them?!" Celestia asked in disbelief as Discord's long tongue washed over the stripped piece of magic.

"Hmm, I'll have to look that mare up," Discord mused with a toothy grin, looking sideways at the blushing Princess, "What? Jealous that I didn't lick your magic instead?" he teased, chortling at her increased blush, "Oh, my dear sunny flanks, you simply must get use to flirting. The newer generations due it quite openly and...graphically."

"Changing The Subject!" Celestia declared, turning around to the still-large sphere of magic, floating on its own. Well, technically, it was falling at an abysmally slow pace in the time distortion.

Discord shook his head in amusement as he watched her work, skillfully and elegantly cutting into the strands of magic holding the amalgamation together. If not for her wings and regalia, somepony might have mistaken her for a tall doctor. A thousand years was a long time to learn and master many things…a thousand years was a long time indeed.

He didn't frown, but he didn't smile.

"So, how long were you going to leave me in stone anyway?" Discord asked evenly.

Celestia's magic stopped as the room went silent.

"I get that the elements were turned to stone after Luna's little episode, but still...would it have even crossed your mind if you hadn't had to banish your own sister?" Discord asked with a surprising amount of patience.

"...I won't apologize for turning you to stone," Celestia said after a moment before letting out a long, tired sigh, "But I am sorry that we left you in there so long."

"Apology accepted," Discord acknowledged with a small smile.

Celestia stiffened at that, turning to look at him in disbelief, "...Just like that?"

"Just like that," Discord assured with a nod, enjoying her surprise.

"...Thank you," Celestia accepted with a grateful smile, "Shall we finish this up?"

"Yes, let's. I have to get ready for an appointment tomorrow with some cucumber sandwiches," Discord agreed waving her to return to her work.

Celestia paused only momentarily as his words registered, but opted not to dig deeper into Discord's madness with a shake of her head. The duo fell into a surprisingly comfortable silence as they worked, the Alicorn princess separating chunks of magic and the chimeric god pulling them out with his tail, the hairs acting like precision instruments.

Well, it was a peaceful silence to Celestia. Discord kept his idling mind interested with " _ **listening**_ " to the magics of these unicorns. It wasn't something most could detect, but these little orbs were creating a pleasant cacophony of wildly different tunes to his ears, growing louder and stranger with each newly freed chunk of magic. The original beach ball of stolen magic just gave off a unchanging hum, like a poorly imitated bee buzzing. It was the little things like this that kept him entertained and not turning the sky into a kaleidoscope.

"And...we...are...done!" Discord said in triumph as Celestia separated the last two chunks, removed to evaporate into their original forms, "Well, that was the most mentally challenging thing I've done in a while."

"Ohh...," Celestia groaned, rubbing her horn, "I think my magic nodes were going numb from using that spell for so long."

"You'll be fine after some ice cream...or, you know, lowering the sun. That should give you a pick me up," Discord mused with a shrug.

"Most ponies forget that the sun does revitalize me," Celestia commented in amusement, looking around at the twenty-some orbs of floating unicorn magics, all differing in colors and schemes, "I trust that you can return these to the afflicted ponies?" she asked curiously.

"Nope," Discord answered bluntly.

"...Wait, what?" Celestia asked in surprise.

"Princess, I'm not a mind reader. Well, not an active one. I have no idea where you kept those ponies," Discord reminded in amusement.

"Ah, yes, of course," Celestia acknowledged with slight embarrassment. She was too used to Discord knowing everything, "They're in the palace medical wing, on the second floor."

Discord grinned as he produced a burlap sack from up his talons' nonexistent sleeves, the orbs whooshing into it, "Now I get to play SantaCord," he said mischievously.

"Discord," Celestia spoke up pointedly, getting a curious hum as he halted his teleport, "...How are things going, for you in Ponyville?"

Discord stared at her for a moment before dropping his bag of magic and sitting on it, "Weekly tea parties with Fluttershy, dropping in on a whim, trying to play nice with the others, counting how many times they overreact. I get two groans, a glare and an eye roll on average. Sometimes fake-gagging," Discord explained with a strangely unamused smirk.

"...In fairness, you haven't given them much reason to trust you," Celestia pointed out cautiously.

"Celestia, if I wanted to, I could have just deposited those six on different uninhabited islands across the world the moment you all tried to reform me," Discord reminded evenly with his arms crossed, "Do you know why I went about that little fiasco of pretending to make Fluttershy choose between her friends and me? As fun as screwing with those five is, that mare had me won over by the end of the first day. No, I did all of that because they would have never accepted the Big Bad Discord could actually just be giving anything like friendship a chance without being up to something," Discord ranted lightly.

"I know," Celestia acknowledged with a sigh, getting Discord to look at her uncomprehendingly, "Believe me, Discord, if I didn't think Twilight would come to believe that you brainwashed me, I would have been much more involved in that incident."

Discord blinked, twisting one of his horns, "Okay, my mind is on right. You just admitted your ponies aren't innocent little snowballs," he said, looking impressed.

Celestia rolled her eyes at that before taking n an optimistic tone, "Hopefully, your aid with Tirek will have them warming up to you."

"I'm more interested in the other thing I did," Discord said with a smirk.

"...Other thing?" Celestia asked warily, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well, before I went off to deal with Tirek, I thought to myself: You know, Twilight is taking an awfully long time to figure out what and where those keys are, maybe I should give them a little hint?" Discord answered smugly.

"I'm not surprised you knew how to unlock that chest, if I'm honest," Celestia commented with a head shake, "So, what was the hint?"

"Oh, I may have taken the girls to the Tree of Harmony while musing about Twilight's issues about not finding her place as a Princess yet, bringing up the Chest in the process. Then I brought up her friendship journal and strongly suggested she should relook at the "interesting" pages I had bookmarked," Discord explained rather offclawedly.

"..." Celestia stared for a moment before she facehoofed, "How...how thick did you lay it down?" she asked, wanting to groan.

"If I had been any thicker, I would have left a sticky note saying: The important items from these five stories will turn into the keys," Discord answered flatly before shrugging, "But even if they don't get it or realize what I did, I did a favor for you and Harmony. Not that I want anything, but it's nice to know it means something to someone," he added on dismissively.

"Wait...five keys?" Celestia repeated curiously, "What about the sixth?

"It doesn't exist yet," Discord answered, shrugging helplessly, "Twilight needs to perform a nigh-ultimate act of friendship for it to appear."

"...Like sacrificing herself to save her friends?" Celestia asked with dread.

"No," he said, chuckling in her throat over her sigh of relief, "Dying for something is easy. You don't have to worry about the aftermath. No, Twilight would have to do something a bit more profound that she'd have to deal with long term. Like, say, forgive a friend for betraying her and Equestria after he is seemingly betrayed and subdued by the ones he sided with," Discord answered pointedly.

"..." Celestia stared, blinking and shaking her head as she made sense of his words, "Wait...you're saying that you...?"

"I'm saying I'm not the nicest friend in the world," Discord answered evasively, "To her, you, or Harmony. She'll just have to wait for some other friend to turn evil and forgive them."

"..." Celestia stared for a moment before slowly smiling, "You are absolutely terrifying, you know that Discord?"

He gained a wry look at that, "I have no idea what you mean, Princess. I am but a mischievous Chaos God trying to unravel this mysterious thing called friendship."

"Of course," Celestia agreed in amusement, "Well, If nothing else, I'm sure those ponies will be thankful to you for getting their magic back."

"Hm, maybe I'll test Cadence's domain and try dating that mare I licked," he mused, stroking his beard with a toothy grin.

Discord dating…the words painted very weird images in Celestia's mind that she didn't want to think too deeply on. Refocusing on Discord, she caught him in time to see that he entered the bag himself, his tail vanishing inside before the sack swallowed itself out of existence.

She stared fondly at the now vacant spot. Despite some initial doubts, she was sure now that she could trust Discord. Not absolutely, but a great deal more than others did.

Her eyes wandered over to her study desk as she hummed. This hadn't just been a test of how much she should trust Discord, but also to see if it was the right time to give him a certain something. Something of an appeasement, something to give him some breathing room...and something that, admittedly, would amuse herself greatly...

The following day, the front page of every Equestrian newspaper would show a black-and-white picture with one half showing an imprisoned Tirek behind bars with a shocked expression, the other of a grinning Discord in a medical room, putting a ball of magic back into a unicorn mare. However, the headline was the true eye catcher;

 **"Former Tyrant Stops Tartarus Escapee!**

 _ **Awarded Archduchy of the Everfree?"**_

 **End of Chapter:**

Yello friends! I hope you enjoyed this little opener. I often thought about where Discord would fit in if he was formally part of the Equestria Government. Than I found the title Archduke, aka the highest noble title one can have under the actual ruler. Not an often used thing, but that's why its perfect for Discord. And if Discord is given any territory, its going to be the Everfree.

Now, yes, this story incorporates some of my head canon that Discord was obviously helping them find the keys at in the season four finale, and that the thing with Tirek might have been his way of getting the last. Under this assumption, Discord decides to not stick his neck out for Twilight's castle. Having proved himself somewhat trustworthy and knowing that he needs some space to himself, Celestia formally gives him the Everfree.

I can't wait for the mane six to read that in the paper, I'm not even going to lie. XP Same with Discord.

Now, there will be a good deal of comedy in this with Discord having fun with his new lands, but he'll have his serious moments, for his own reasons, which leads to various bits of political drama and such.

And while there isn't a romance tag, that doesn't mean it might not come up later on. So, for now, that opening scene is Dislestia Friendshipping, not Loveshipping.

Well, hope you enjoyed this all.


	2. The Fnord of Whatday

Discord the Archduke

Disclaimer: I don't own MLP

Regular Speak

 _Thoughts and Flashbacks_

 **Demonic or Animalistic Speak**

 _ **Demonic or Animalistic Thoughts**_

 **"WHAAAAAAT!?"**

That was the general word of the day. If somepony didn't yell it, they heard another yelling it. The dawn was barely over by the time half of Equestria got the news.

Including half of the diarchy.

"I see you were busy last night," Luna commented dryly as Celestia joined her at the dining table for breakfast.

"If you're talking about Discord and I dealing with Tirek's magic smoothie, it was more like evening than night," Celestia answered with a yawn, stretching lightly to get the blood flowing after sleeping.

"Not what I was referring to," Luna retorted, ignoring the smoothie comment as she tossed down the morning paper in front of Celestia, "Care to explain this?" she asked evenly.

"We've been over this, Luna. It's a newspaper," Celestia answered snarkily, "It's how information is spread throughout the nations these days instead of nationwide royal proclamation and cross-country messengers."

"Art thou quite finished?" Luna questioned in annoyance.

"I haven't had my morning donut, so probably not," Celestia answered with a shrug. Dear Harm- actually, buck it, dear Harmony AND Chaos, she had missed these candid grumpy-snarky breakfast conversations with her sister.

"I meant the main article's title!" Luna redirected, scowling as Celestia opened her mouth with the same expression, "The SUBtitle, Celestia."

"Yes, I gave Discord the Everfree for dealing with Tirek," Celestia answered with an eye roll, "Luna, we already agreed to do so if he proved himself decently trustworthy."

"And you believe aiding against one threat to Equestria is proof enough?" Luna inquired sternly.

Celestia raised an eyebrow at that, "A destruction loving centaur that can consume pony magic to the point where he could eventually strip us of our own Alicorn magic?" Celestia pointed out in bemusement. Luna hesitated at that and Celestia pressed on, "And taking into account he did the job in less than a day and put an impressive deal of effort and concern into returning the stolen magic to the afflicted ponies? Back in the old days, if that didn't buy a stallion a plot of land and a title, it certainly got him some noble or royal mare's hoof in marriage."

"...-n't think he wou-..." Luna muttered, looking down at the table with a troubled, vulnerable look.

"What was that?" Celestia prompted, her ears twitching in curiosity.

"I only agreed to give him the Everfree because I didn't believe he would do anything noteworthy any day soon. At least not without causing some other problem along the way," Luna answered with a sigh, not looking up still. "I...I don't know if I'm ready to give up the old castle."

Celestia stared at Luna for a moment before taking a deep breath. She thought her sister already had closure with their old home, but apparently not. "It is too early for this," she decided with a sigh as she came around the table and wrapped her sister in a wing-hug. "I'll talk to Discord about the castle...right after he finds out."

Luna blinked as she looked up at her sister's soft smirk, "...You didn't tell him?" she asked slowly, just a bit uncertain.

"Sister, when will I ever have another chance to shock Discord like this?" Celestia pointed out blankly.

"That...is actually a fair point," Luna agreed with a tiny smile, "We might have to dub this day a new national holiday: Whatday."

Celestia snickered. Cake, ice cream, moving the sun, watching the younger Alicorns grow and spending time with her sister. Those were the things that made the world of the solar Alicorn go around.

And pranks, but that was a ( _poorly kept_ ) secret.

 **Meanwhile**

"Huh?! But...that...why...how? _Wha?_ "

Spike was currently bunkered down behind a fort of books and pillows, wearing a hard hat while waiting for Mt. Twilight to erupt or collapse in on itself. If she freaked out or lost it, he should be safe between using the books to ward her off and the pillows for cushioning, and if she just fainted...well, he'd prefer that, honestly.

 **"WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?"**

He was not that lucky.

"Spike, take a letter! Wait, no, get the girls! And the Mayor! Buck, why couldn't Shining have come visit a day earlier?!" Twilight rambled off, her mind in disarray as she flew around the library wildly with not rhyme or reason to her directions.

"Holy baloney," Spike muttered with a face-palm.

"Spike! Spike! Where are you!?" Twilight called, her not quite registering the book-fort as anything more than books and thus not a dragon.

"I'm not coming out until you calm down!" Spike yelled back before he ducked down out of the makeshift window.

 **"This Is No Time** To Be Calm **!"** Twilight roared, zeroing in on the structure of books and pillows, "Didn't you see the paper? Discord tricked Celestia into making him a noble and giving him the Everfree! Or maybe he brainwashed her like he did us! Or maybe he got a changeling to pretend to be Celestia and that's why she released him in the first place! Maybe-"

"Really?" Spike asked as he casually stood up and broke out of his little base, giving Twilight an even stare. "Twilight, I'm pretty sure that Celestia hasn't been replaced by a changeling. I think Cadence would have noticed the drain of love this time. Not to mention, I don't think Chrysalis herself could fool Luna convincingly," he reasoned with a flat tone.

The young Alicorn calmed a bit at that, wilting under her assistant's stare. "W-w-well, maybe, but this is still an emergency! Discord obviously did something!" Twilight reasoned as her frantic nature returned.

"Yeah, he saved bucking Equestria," Spike said as he picked up the paper, " _"Discord the Draconequus, former tyrant of Equestria and now reformed villain. Most remember Discord as the one who rained chaos on Equestria several months ago in the forms of chocolate rain, cotton candy clouds, giant fruit, wise-cracking pumpkins, floating pies, rapidly shifting days and nights, and much more. Since then, several old legends have been resurfaced in relation to him from the appropriately named Discordian Era._

 _Many, pony or otherwise, have been rightfully skeptical of the idea that this entity could become an ally of Equestria. However, Princess Celestia's infinite wisdom seems to have shown bright once more, as Sir Discord has recaptured an escapee from Tartarus, a centaur known as Tirek with the ability to drain magic from ponies, and returned him to his cell. If he were to gain enough, it is believed he could remove magic from even the Alicorns themselves. For this reason, Sir Discord was given the task of tracking him down, as the one creature definitely outranking our princesses' in raw power._

 _Along with a photo of the assailant, a picture taken by the royal medical staff was offered, showing Equestria's lone male immortal in the middle of returning the magic to an unnamed victim of the centaur's magic draining, one of twenty-two who are all expected to make a full recovery thanks to Sir Discord's actions._

 _While the Draconequus has been known to play tricks and warp reality on a whim, it should be noted that on that faithful day of his return, not a single death was reported, as all of his chaotic changes were created with the intent of alarm and bewildering while avoiding death. In contrast to Tirek, who was said to be prone to violence and whose victims were left weak and helpless wherever he caught them, it is obvious why one hybrid received a chance at redemption and the other left in the Pit-Prison._

 _But as glad as we are to welcome Sir Discord as a new if eccentric hero of Equestria, this does not lessen the bombshell Princess Celestia has dropped on Equestrian Politics._

 _In reward for his deed, Sir Discord is to be given the Archduchy of the Everfree, granting him the noble title of Archduke._

 _An Archduke, for those that do not know, designates one as a powerful duke directly below the Princesses in terms of rank. In most countries, the title denotes a duke that is more powerful than their peers and implies that they, in theory, have the greatest chance to usurp the current rulers. Normally, this refers to power in the economic or military sense, or both, but the title in this case likely is an acknowledgement of Sir Discord's magical might, having single-hoofedly overthrown Equestria twice._

 _The Everfree Forest has no settlements within it, but holds many rare creatures and plants within its immense territory. The area has largely remained unclaimed by businesses and other nobles due to the supposed untamable nature of the forest. Ponyville, a small town neighboring the forest and home to Princess Twilight, is not considered part of the Everfree territory._

 _We cautiously yet curiously await what the future holds for Equestria with Archduke Discord."_ And then it just goes on a bit more into political jargon and mostly rehashing what they already said," Spike narrated idly.

"And this doesn't alarm you!?" Twilight yelled in disbelief, having stopped flying during Spike's narration.

"I'm more curious about why your friends didn't get anything like this," Spike retorted with a raised eyebrow.

"That's not...okay, that actually is a good point," Twilight admitted as the point registered. "Maybe Princess Celestia offered and they turned it down? No, Rarity would have probably taken it," she mused before shaking her head, "That's not important! What is important is _Discord Is An Archduke_!" Twilight reminded, nearly frothing at the mouth again.

"Of the Everfree. Of the place basically nopony wants to go inside unless they really have to," Spike pointed out calmly, "We just got to inform Zecora in case she wants to move, but otherwise Celestia essentially just gave Discord a giant playground to stretch his magic in."

Twilight blinked as she mentally processed the point. Spike wasn't wrong, really; The Everfree, the most unnatural place in Equestria, really did seem like the perfect place for Discord. Though, making Discord a noble, let alone an Archduke, made her worried. That gave him a political ground to play with...but knowing Discord, he'd probably find that aspect of his gift extremely boring.

"Spike, remind me to give you a raise," Twilight said with a thankful smile.

"I get paid?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You're getting an allowance. Been meaning to do that, but...things kept distracting me," Twilight answered, thinking back to the various hectic times in Ponyville. She loved this place, but it was really easy to get distracted here.

"Sweet," Spike said with a grin.

"Come on...I need something delicious and sugary after being hit with that first thing in the morning," Twilight said with a chuckle as they went to the door.

...and stepped out to see a mob of ponies surrounding her home, all starring at her expectantly. The Alicorn and drakeling stared with saucer wide eyes as Pinkie Pie grinned sheepishly from the front, "Umm, Twily? I think they want you to explain some things."

The pair just swallowed heavily, Twilight eternally grateful that Spike didn't ditch her to run back into the library.

 **Meanwhile**

Discord was in a good mood. Then again, seeing your photo in the paper had that effect on a lot of folks.

Granted, he hadn't read the article about him yet, but he saw the picture on the front page. That was enough for him.

 _'Really got to hoof it to you Celestia, you got that story out fast,'_ he mused privately, grinning as he leisurely floated along through town. He had his cucumber sandwiches, he proved he could be trusted as an ally, he had a fun time clearing the air with Celestia and he got his handsome mug on everypony's morning paper. Yes, life was good right now.

Not to mention the little buzz of chaos this news was causing. Bit bigger than he expected, but ponies overreacted sometimes.

Speaking of ponies, Ponyville was giving him a rather interesting treatment so far. Before today some of them would clear the area while everypony else tried to pretend his presence wasn't a big deal, hoping he would just move along. Now...

"S-sir Discord, can I interest you in a cup of chocolate milk? On the house?" A pony offered from her stall, smiling awkwardly.

Now, Discord loved randomness in others and being given free things, but he still found the offer just a bit odd at first. But he passed it off as a tribute of thanks for stopping Tirek and a sign of ponies warming up to him. "I'd love some, my dear," he accepted with a grin as he took the plastic cup, bringing it to his lips...and the see-through material disappearing block by tiny block in an extremely rapid succession with a weird chopping sound accompanying each one.

The mare was honestly more alarmed by the foreign sound than the action.

He placed the apparently-solid piece of chocolate milk back on the stand, giving it a squeak to display its squishy nature, "Little chew toy for the munchkin," he answered with a knowing look.

"Huh? How'd you know about my baby brother?" She asked with a scowl of confusion.

"I can smell the baby powder," he whispered with a conspiratorial whisper, filled with mirth.

"Oh...well, I guess that's better than the other smells," the vendor joked sheepishly.

"Quite right. Oi, I still can smell the birds sometimes," Discord muttered to himself before shaking his head. "Well, thanks for the milk," he bid farewell as he floated off, the mare giving him a small wave. Honestly, he fully expected that the pony would never let the item he made anywhere near her brother and would probably throw it out as soon as she could.

But he enjoyed the various thanks and curious looks he got, along with the occasional gift. He even got a straw hat that he phased his horns through. Coincidently, those kept it perfectly in whatever angle he set it to. _'Hmm, might have to con Rarity into making me a vest or something,'_ he mused, wondering what he could get her to make.

Just as that happened, a colt backed up into his tail, "Hey, watch where you're-" the pony started, only to look toward Discord's head in shock, backing away slowly, "O-oh, sorry, Sire, my mistake! Have a nice day!" he said quickly with smile to mask his fear.

"...Sire?" Discord repeated with a raised eyebrow. "That's different," he mused before turning back to Twilight's library. "She'll eventually have to move to a mansion or something, at minimum," Discord mused idly as he took the scenic route.

Meaning he unzipped part of the tree and stepped right through.

"Oh Princess Bookworm! Your favorite-"

" _YOU_!" Twilight yelled, instantly flying at Discord's current eye level, glaring into his eyes, snout to snout.

"...That's a lovely shade of rage you're wearing today, Twicess," Discord greeted in amusement, wondering what got her bothered now.

"How is it that even when you do good things, you still find ways to make me pull my mane out?" Twilight asked through gritted teeth.

"Oh? Well, Princess, as touching as it is to know that I occupy your thoughts so much, I'm afraid I'll have to decline your advances," Discord refuted with a smooth, mischievous tone.

Twilight pulled back to face-hoof with a groan, "Don't say stuff like that. You give the wrong impression," Twilight muttered in exasperation.

Discord raised an eyebrow. "Hello, I'm Discord. Nice to meet you."

Twilight rolled her eyes in response. "Right, I forgot who I was talking to. Of course you wouldn't even take this seriously. I still don't understand how you got Princess Celestia to give you something like that," she murmured with a sigh, mentally calculating all the scandals Discord would cause.

"Oh? Celestia got me a present!?" Discord asked in surprise.

"...You don't know?" Twilight asked slowly, eyes wide in disbelief.

"Hehehe, she must have wanted it to be a surprise. She knows me soooo well," Discord said with a grin before scowling. "It better not be a statue. Or at least not a stone one."

"You haven't read today's paper!?" Twilight inquired in alarm and shock.

Discord's scowl somehow turned from serious to mocking despite not changing an inch. "Twilight, if you were a good friend, you'd know perfectly well that I read the funnies at the Thud and skim the obituaries for anyone I have to avoid making jokes about. I check the sports towards the end of the Clunks to see what teams are up for mocking while I read the opinions and classified for pranking potential before the second Whumbo. And I finish off the second or third Clank by reading the main articles to put myself to sleep," he explained matter-of-factly.

Twilight's eyebrow wouldn't stop twitching.

"Is it wrong that I almost understood that?" Spike asked, scratching his head, standing at the base of the stairs. "Nice hat."

"Ahh, Loyalty's Stand-In! Thank you, Spike. I do look rather dashing- not the prismatic type of course," Discord greeted, zooming over to tap him on the head. "And don't worry your scaly head about that. Dragons, being the long lived mountains of scales they are, have an interesting ability to adapt to almost any system of time keeping,"

"Stop poking me!" Spike growled, swatting the finger away. "...And seriously?"

Discord grinned, feeling Twilight's interest as well, "Oh yes. They had to ever since they started gaining sentience and mingling with other races. It gets very, shall we say, problematic keeping in contact with other races when you tend to go into decade or century long naps."

Spike shivered a bit. "I can't even imagine the sores from not moving for that long."

"You really can't," Discord muttered darkly before shaking it off, "Any way, little Drake, do you know about this little gift of mine too?"

"Little? Discord its-!" Spike started, only to get a purple hoof in his mouth.

"Something you'll _looooove_ to discuss with Fluttershy," Twilight said with a grin, having teleported to Spike's spot.

Discord looked immensely amused now as Twilight retracted her hoof from the annoyed Spike. "Twilight, I know you're pranking me. I know Celestia's pranking me. Luna and Cadence might even be pranking me. All the same, while I can't wait to find out what my gift is, I agree that this would be something interesting to discuss with Fluttershy over cucumber sandwiches," he commented with a chortle.

"Well, we wouldn't want to get between you and Fluttershy," Twilight said encouragingly, and far too innocently.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm still very much not late," Discord assured with a grin. He was tempted to turn his ears into those of a rabbit, but figured the joke might get confused with something about Angel Bunny. "So, how goes the key hunt?"

Twilight sighed to herself on that one. "Technically, it went great. We found five of them after rereading your booked marked sections of the friendship journal, but I have no idea where mine could be," she explained in disappointment.

 _'Hmmm, has she really not figured out I knew where the keys were or does she just not want me to get a bigger ego?'_ Discord pondered to himself before shrugging. "I'm sure you'll find it when the opportunity presents itself. Now, Spike, I have a query for you that's been itching at my brain since I first saw you," Discord commented, his hat-wearing head popping open to reveal his brain, which he started to scratch.

"For me?" Spike asked in surprise, less grossed out than Twilight was.

"Yes. Why do you walk on two legs?" Discord asked curiously.

"Umm, most young dragons do?" Spike offered with a confused head tilt.

"Do they? Must be a newer trend," Discord mused with a stroke of his beard. "Irregardless,-"

"Not a word," Twilight corrected, almost automatically.

"Irregardless, you didn't know any of your own kind until recently and babies always learn by example. Given that you were raised by ponies, which are quadrupeds, it seems interesting you go for two legs instead of four," Discord elaborated.

"...I got nothing. Twilight?" Spike called curiously as they both looked to her.

"Umm...I can't remember off the top of my head," Twilight answered, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "It must have started early on for me not to remember. Huh, maybe looking through some old photo albums will bring it back?" she mused to herself.

"Well, do tell me what answers you find down memory lane," Discord requested innocently with a tilt of his hat as he headed for the door.

Neither of them were surprised by his exit being a hole under the doormat.

They were vaguely surprised when the library door opened to reveal her friends, sans Fluttershy.

"They really wanted answers too," Pinkie Pie said apologetically.

"Sugarcube, what's this about Discord being in charge of the forest?" Applejack asked with a frown, "I don't got to pay him taxes or anything, right?"

"Now Applejack, I'm sure it's just a misprint. I mean, giving him dominion of the Everfree I can understand, but I can't see Princess Celestia granting Discord a noble title," Rarity assured, her smile just a bit shaky.

"Rars, even if she did, it's Archduke. The princess probably just made it up to appease the snaky flankhole's ego," Rainbow pointed out, surprisingly calm about the whole thing.

Spike and Twilight shared a look. "You're on your own this time, Twilight," Spike informed sympathetically before walking out.

Twilight nodded in understanding and resignment before turning to the girls. "In order? No, Applejack, you don't have to pay Discord taxes. Rarity, it wasn't a misprint as far as I know. Discord is legitimately an Archduke now, and yes Rainbow, that is a real thing," She explained in one quick breath.

"Seriously?" Rainbow asked in surprise, "What, do we say " _Your Archiness_?"

"Ohhh, yes, yes, yes!" Pinkie Pie cheered.

"I...think I need to lie down," Rarity said as her fainting couch teleported in, allowing her to fall on it dramatically.

Twilight took a deep breath, "As the newspaper said- _which you obviously didn't read completely Dash_ \- an archduke is the highest ranking noble under a monarch. Usually under a king or queen, or even emperor or empress, but since the Princesses opted out of changing their titles as Equestria expanded, it still works here. An archduke is like a duke that has multiple duchies, or that's what it's like in terms of power."

"So...what does that mean for Ponyville?" Applejack asked in concern.

"Nothing, really," Twilight answered with a shrug, "I mean, yeah, we're next door to the domain of technically the most powerful noble in Equestria, but his official power is just over the Everfree now. Besides warning Zecora, Discord doesn't have any legal power or authority over anypony," Twilight explained before muttering something to herself. "Thank buck Spike talked me down."

"So...it is ego stroking?" Rainbow repeated.

"Kinda. I think it might also be Celestia's way of making sure none of the nobles try to mess with Discord. Though, that's probably more for their sake than his," Twilight proposed.

"...I do suppose that's true," Rarity agreed, recovering from her faint. "As much respect for the nobility as I have, I know some would be tempted to order around a being like Discord to get their way if they thought they had some right to do so."

"Ohh, I don't think that would end well," Pinkie Pie mused with a grin. "I can see the flying cheetah pancakes now."

"What?" Twilight asked in bewilderment.

"What?" Pinkie repeated with a head tilt.

"...Anyway, at least the guy is kind of acknowledging the Princess as his superiors in a sneaky way," Applejack mused with a shrug.

Twilight slowly smirked at that, "About that..."

 **Meanwhile**

Discord hid it under his regular annoyance at how order loving ponies tended to be, but he had been really, really, extremely tempted to read the paper now that he knew that Celestia had given him a gift of some sort. But he resisted, he stayed strong, he endured!

He didn't even set the newspaper stand on fire. Or drown it in ink.

"Mister Draquus?"

Discord stopped on his backstroke to Fluttershy's, curious by the little voice calling him. He looked upside down to stare at the little blue unicorn filly, staring at him with deep purple-red eyes below her silvery mane, "And who might you be my dear?" he asked as he floated towards her, his body shifting to right itself.

She grinned shyly as only a child could. "I'm Bloo!" She introduced happily.

"Of course you are,' Discord said with a chuckle over pony naming scheme. He blinked though, when he felt her wrap her little hooves around his lion paw.

"Thank you! You saved my aunty!" she cheered happily.

Discord stared before smiling and patting her on the head. "Hehe, hardly saved little one. I just got her magic back for her, that's all," he pointed out in a rare but playful show of humility.

"Still, thank you. Mommy and Daddy were really worried about her until they read the paper," Bloo insisted as she pulled away, smiling up at him.

Discord smiled back as he flicked her horn. Bloo blinked as it wiggled and a cranking noise came from her head. Her eyes watched as he reached to one of her ears...and pulled back an orange lollipop, shaped like Celestia's cutie mark. The Chaos God laughed as Bloo's eyes lit open and her mouth let loose an 'ahh' of amazement. "Don't tell your parents you got this from me," he said teasingly.

"I won't! Thank you, Arch Discord!" she answered enthusiastically before running off.

Discord smiled as he watched her leave. "...Arch Discord? I feel like there's a joke I'm not in on," he mused absently before snapping his claws, reappearing at the door to Fluttershy's cabin. With a musical series of knocks, he waited.

The door opened to reveal a slightly surprised Fluttershy. "Discord? You came?" she asked in surprise.

"Hmm? But of course! Wait, this is Tuesday, right?" Discord asked, unfolding a calendar from his arm. Regrettably, the calendar only had five days a week.

"Oh, yes! It's just, well, I thought you'd be busy with the...thing," Fluttershy answered with a smile.

"Flutters, I doubt I'll ever be too busy for you," Discord promised with a smile before frowning. "Speaking of the thing, do you have the paper?"

"...You don't know?" Fluttershy realized with wide eyes.

"That's exactly what Twilight said," Discord commented idly. "No, my dear. Despite having my handsome mug all over the papers, I resisted the urge to ruin the surprise until I was ready to read it."

"Um...," Fluttershy suddenly looked very uncomfortable. Just out of the corner of her eyes, Angle Bunny was making back and forth motions with his arms, urging her not to do it. "The paper is on the table, but...you may want to sit down first," she advised, having no idea how Discord would take this.

Angle Bunny proceeded to wipe his paw over his face.

Discord had already zipped past the Pegasus and picked up the paper. He grinned as he read the article. Sure it brought up his villainous past, but it was mostly a contrast in how he had transitioned as an ally- along with some brown-snouting to Celestia, as expected.

And he had an Era named after himself! Granted, not a great era, but it was his.

Then he blinked.

The air grew heavy; the silence became all-encompassing as if the entirety of the world went mute.

In an instant, Angel Bunny jumped on Fluttershy's head, pinning her ears down. Fluttershy reached up to do the same to Angel Bunny.

And glared briefly at her friends watching from outside her window, all grinning or smirking.

Then Discord said three words that echoed throughout the world on a magical sound wave.

 **"WHAT THE** FNORD!? **"**

 **Meanwhile**

Celestia grinned as the sound reached her ears, likely startling several of her subjects.

"National Whatday, then?" Luna asked with a small smirk.

"I might make it Fnordday now," Celestia countered in delight.

"Well, I just hope you're ready to explain all of this to dear Cadence when she comes to see what has disturbed her alone time with her mate," Luna pointed out wryly.

"...Buck, I knew I forgot something."

 **End of Chapter**

Sup everyone! Sorry thi s took while. Been tired, buy, and had trouble writing for a few days.

Also, to put the issue to bed about the Archduchy thing- the rank of a domain is a factor of military and economic power, not just land size. But in a world like Equestria, the individual power of the ruler would also factor into this some. Thus the Everfree being an Archduchy is a mixture of how big the forest is and how powerful Discord is.

I hope that satisfies all the debates.

 **Review Response:**

 **Guest** \- Yes.

 **battle manga** \- Zecora and potentially.

 **Dragonblaze66** \- He knows how she could get the key yes.

 **The Keeper of Worlds** \- He just might have, yes. XP

 **ZeroBlade403** \- I will, eventually

 **UnsanMusho** \- A resounding What is the typical reaction.

 **Azarune** \- Thank you! And trust me, I understnad the feel. I just have too many ideas to keep them all squished inside my skull!


	3. Steward of the Everfree

Discord the Archduke

Disclaimer: I don't own MLP

"Ɓē'ēϷҥŷƙɣƙ ēɣēƙLCʵlj ۡͭē ĝƛÁҥjēʵēŷϷLƛݣƙϷjē ŷ ɣۡϷҥē ʵēƙɣŷLƓ ĝƛÁjƙ''ۡlŷLƙҥŷƛL čēƙʵƁjƙƛϷÁƙɣϷҥŷ''ŷLҥjēϷҥƙҥۡēƕԧē±ŷLƙ''ƓƛLēɣƙ HͭLēݣŷҥݣƙϷҥƛƛƓƛƛ ҥƛēҥʵۡēHCʵēƛۡjƙôôϷۡLۡҥҥHƑɣŷL ŷϷ±ŷLƙ''ƓƛŷLƓÁƛۡlʵۡē'jēƙʵҥē ɣŷϷēʵƙ'ējƙƓHCL ҥƛҥjŷLͭ ʵēƙɣҥ±ƛʵƓƙԧēƛۡ±ƛʵҥjŷϷH!"

Fluttershy would have glared at her friends again, some snickering and others giving full belly laughs outside, if she wasn't busy with Discord. He was babbling nonsense and not his usual kind. Some part of him was aware and using magic though, since she and Angel had no trouble holding up the tall immortal and pulling him into the nearby chair; that was a good sign, at least.

"Discord? Discord, can you hear me? It's Fluttershy," she called gingerly, waving a hoof in front of his glazed over eyes. He didn't respond, didn't react, just kept babbling and staring at the paper. She frowned in concern before glancing over to a chattering Angel Bunny as the rabbit held up the end of the draconequus's tail with his mouth open. He dropped the limb unceremoniously as Fluttershy gave a disproving look.

"Oh, Celestia, that was awesome!" Rainbow cheered outside, rolling on the porch and pounding the floor. "The look on his face!"

"It was indeed an event, Rainbow, but do remember this is Fluttershy's home," Rarity reminded with a refined giggle. "So try not to disturb all her animals any more than they already are."

"After that yell? Hehe, the whole Everfree is probably spooked," Applejack mused with a chuckle.

"Discord is probably going to get back at us for this, but for once? Worth it!" Twilight said with a wide grin.

Pinkie Pie, however, had stopped laughing a while ago, looking in the window with Spike.

"Wow, he must have been really shocked," Spike noted observantly.

"I think Flutters might need some help in there," Pinkie commented with a small, thoughtful frown. Really, it looked more like a pout.

"Yo, Pinkie? You coming? We're heading over to Applejack's to grab some cider real quick," Rainbow called as the rest of the group start to leave the area.

"I'm good, I'm going to stay and help Fluttershy with Discord's scrambled brains!" Pinkie Pie answered with a cheerful wave of her hoof.

"Have fun with that! We'll be back in about twenty minutes to see if she needs some help with the animals," Rainbow finished with a salute-wave of her own before flying off.

"No offense, but I don't get paid enough to deal with two magical lunatic powerhouses," Spike commented dryly to Pinkie Pie before jumping down from the window. "Good luck!"

"Thanks Spike!" Pinkie Pie bid him farewell.

Fluttershy was just about to resort to her emergency measures when Pinkie Pie barged in. Or rather, she sprung through the door as if shot out of a cannon towards the back of Discord's chair-

-and blinked as she was caught in Discord's tail curled around her around her barrel, prompting her to grin at the surprised Pegasus. "Hi, Fluttershy! Sorry about pranking Discord in your house. Well, it was more like using you to prank him without you knowing. Huh, that actually sounds meaner than I thought it did," she commented to herself. Fluttershy just raised a curious eyebrow at the party mare. "You want help putting his brain back together? I'm good with puzzles!"

Fluttershy turned back to Discord, who was now silent. Either he was still in shock or he was pranking Pinkie now. "Angel Bunny, you can stop getting the Acorn Juice! Pinkie Pie is going to help!" Fluttershy called softly to the kitchen, getting some annoyed chittering from the fluffy creature.

"Acorn Juice? What's that? Is it yummy?" Pinkie Pie asked curiously, wondering how Discord made that. Not how Twilight would wonder, as in how it was even possible. No, Pinkie was wondering if he squeezes it out or just puts a hole in the acorn to let loose the liquid that shouldn't be there, but of course it was because that's Discord!

"Um, all Discord said is that it must be good to drink since it's Alicorn without the sick parts," Fluttershy answered awkwardly.

Pinkie Pied stared for one, two seconds and- "Pfffft! Oh, that's a good one! I'm writing that down!" Pinkie Pie declared as she pulled a pen and notepad from her mane.

She didn't even stop writing as Discord pulled her into his arms, holding her with his eagle arm while petting her mane with the lion's paw. "Ahh, nothing like a bit of local ponified chaos to calm the nerves," Discord stated, as if savoring a taste, before grinning down at the earth pony. "Pinkie, thank you for the assistance," he said cheekily.

"You're welcome!" Pinkie Pie returned the grin as she put away her writing equipment and snuggled into him. "Always happy to be a cuddle buddy!"

Discord chuckled as he looked over to a relieved and smiling Fluttershy. "Fluttershy, sorry for that inconvenient lapse on my part," he apologized with an amount of sincerity that surprised Pinkie Pie, just a little bit.

"Oh no, it was no trouble at all," Fluttershy assured softly before turning curious. "So, um, what do you think?"

"I think I'm very proud of Pinkie and your friends, pulling a big one on me," Discord mused as he reclined in the chair and Pinkie Pie floated out of his grasp. "Of course, as the Original Prank Master, I can't let that slide," he continued deviously. The pink mare looked confused before trying and failing to swim through the air.

"Discord," Fluttershy said imploringly with a small frown.

"Now, now, Flutters. I'm just exercising a bit of Pranktorial payback, that's all. Besides, Celestia is the real culprit I need to deal with. The rest will be slaps on the hooves in comparison," Discord assured with a wave of his claw. "Besides, I think you knew this was coming when you stayed behind, eh Ms. Pie?" Discord taunted lightly at the now upside-down mare.

Pinkie Pie smiled widely and saluted him. "Rightio, Your Archiness!"

"...Okay, you're definitely getting the lightest hoof-slap," Discord decided, his eyes dancing with mirth at the nickname as he pointed to the ceiling.

Pinkie Pie grunted as she found that gravity was restored, but in reverse, putting her on the ceiling. "Hey, I'm upside down!...This is payback?" Pinkie Pie asked curiously.

"It is when you try to get down," Discord answered patiently.

Pinkie Pie looked around with a hum before walking over to one of the walls. To her lack of surprise, she couldn't just walk down the walls. No, no, that would be too easy!

"Best not take too long or you'll miss the "Discord's An Archduke!" party," Discord teased in an almost sing-song voice.

Pinkie Pie's eyes went comically wide as she gasped before starting running around the ceiling, trying and failing to find a way back to the floor.

"Is there a way down?" Fluttershy asked in a whisper as she flew up to beside her taller friend, sitting on the arm of the chair.

"Yes, but it'll wear off in an hour even if she doesn't find it," Discord answered, equally quiet, as he watched the earth pony run about, oblivious to the real prank that had just been played on her. With that taken care of, he hummed and looked back down at the newspaper. "Bucking Archduke of the Everfree," he muttered thoughtfully.

"You should be proud," Fluttershy praised with an encouraging smile and a hoof on his shoulder. "You did a great help to everypony in Equestria, especially those ponies that lost their magic. And Princess Celestia must really trust you now to give you this!"

"Well, at least one Princess does," Discord mused to himself, still gazing at the paper. "The jury is still out on Cadence and I still need to bury the hatchet with Luna. Twilight, however, is a much tougher crowd," he murmured thoughtfully, head resting in his eagle talon while Pinkie Pie continued to run above them.

Fluttershy didn't argue that point. She learned from her animals that some creatures just had a hard time getting along, more so with two entities like Discord and Twilight that were not only former enemies but whose individual personalities clashed on a more fundamental level. Though, she personally thought the two had a lot in common if they worked past their respective dislikes of Order and Chaos.

"Hehehe." Discord's giggling brought her out of thoughts, the Pegasus seeing him starting to grin. "Oh, I am going to have sooooo much fun with this!"

Fluttershy smiled brightly; she was glad to see Discord starting to be like his usual se- her coffee table just started walking to the bathroom. Yes, he was definitely fine now.

"And don't worry, my little Flutters! I'll have you listed as an honorary member of the Archduchy," he assured, ruffling her mane as he shot up into the air, grabbing Pinkie's attention. "Well, his Archiness must be off to inspect his new domain! Watch for the fireworks!" Discord declared before bursting into blue and white confetti.

Pinkie Pie, somehow managing to get on the walls rather than the ceiling, tilted her head and bit one of the pieces of paper out of the air, her eyes wide in delight. "It tastes like cucumbers! Oh, edible confetti, I got to make some of that!" she declared happily, even more determined to get down to the floor.

Fluttershy's eyes lit up as she took a taste as well: it was definitely Discord's cucumber sandwich! It made her giggle, realizing he remembered to give them to her at the last moment, even without it being obvious.

Though, she'd probably never understand why he thought cucumber sandwiches were strange enough to not need any "chaosing."

Later

For Ponyville, it was impossible to miss the five hour and twenty-three minute celebration Discord had immediately after leaving Fluttershy's cottage. It started out nice and simple: Trees dancing as if they had hips to swing, a saxophone echoing over the sound of a banjo and every rodent less than two feet high doing what could only be described as an oompa-loompa version of an Egyptian dance...with overbites.

Then came the real treat. Geysers of strawberry milkshakes, giant marshmallow snakes eating themselves out of existence, the river going on strike, night and day somehow changing ONLY over the Everfree, ravens melting into wooden storm clouds that rained honey and flash with lightning made of union, and much MUCH more.

And all the while, Discord kept playing his banjophone as chaos ran wild in the Everfree. While he didn't come off as a polite entity, the animals all just either laid low or rolled with the punches. Their more basic minds and instincts, ironically, were able to perceive a vague understanding of his intent: essentially, they knew it would be over fairly soon.

Hence why the cragadile made no fuss about suddenly being incased in Jello or the Hydra didn't complain about his swamp suddenly being a hodgepodge of sodas. Actually, Discord was sure the multi-headed creature enjoyed them. And the Ursa slept right through it entirely.

Talk about a deep sleeper.

And then it all just stopped, the animals and plants returning to normal and going about their regular business. Like the whole thing had been one giant performance...which it was, in a way.

This was what had Mayor Mare in a relatively good, relaxed mood. She had been a bit terrified of her town suddenly being next to a realm ruled by their local chaos god. Would it draw tourists? Would it drive her fellow ponyvillians to move away? How would this affect the property values!?

But for the opening salvo, it all seemed...not so much tame as it was non-disastrous. The reality warping was more or less staying within the Everfree and none of it caused a problem for anypony. Though, she'd imagine that the weather-pegasi would be making new rules about not interfering with Everfree-weather.

So now she could sit back in her chair and- "Mayor Mare?" her secretary called, his head peaking in the office door.

"Yes, Scroll Finder?" she answered, sitting upright with a curious expression. The green and blue Pegasus looked strangely nervous about something.

"You have a...guest. He doesn't have an appointment, but it is...rather important, I believe," Scroll answered, his wings twitching.

He? Rather important? Unless it was Filthy Rich or Spike the Dragon, she couldn't think of anypony else it would be, not off her hoof tips. Either way, she was free for right now. "Very well, send him-"

*FLASH*

"-in," Mayor Mare finished with a squeak as a certain now-noble Draconequus appeared on top of her door, his serpentine body lounging about it like a snake.

"Good evening, Mayor Mare," he greeted with a coy smile, his voice polite but ever playful. "I hope this isn't a bad time?" he asked as Scroll Finder cautiously inched back out of the room.

"N-not at all, Your Grace," Mayor Mare assured quickly, thankful she had checked which manners of address to use with one of his station. "Please, have a seat. How may I help you?"

She wasn't sure, but this all seemed to amuse him more as he floated down into the chair. "Right to the point then. There's a certain pony I've heard about that I hope you'll be able to point me in the direction of," he stated vaguely.

"A pony?" Mare asked, a bit surprised and trying to hide her suspicion.

"Yes, I believe she used to be the one to help organize things before our dear not-then-Princess Twilight moved to town," Discord mused as he examined his talons.

"...Amethyst Star?" Mayor Mare recalled in slight bewilderment.

"Ah yes, that would be her," Discord agreed with a smirk.

"Not to intrude, Your Grace, but may I ask what need you have of this mare?" Mayor Mare questioned uncertainly.

Now the smirk was downright devious. "I have a job offer for her."

Timeskip

Three days had passed since Discord became the Archduke of the Everfree, and things had gotten disturbingly quiet; which had Twilight and her friends on edge, knowing that he was likely to get some payback on them in the near future.

Celestia and Luna were less worried, both under the assumption that Discord was entertaining himself with some form of chaos that the sheer size of the Everfree concealed.

Luna herself was in the middle of her Night Court Session. She didn't have many petitioners or such to show up during her late hours, but she preferred that for now. It gave her time to brush up on the history that she had been absent from, what she could find anyway. Not to mention it allowed her more time to tend to the dream realm. Currently, she was in the middle of reading the (to her) recent explosion in Las Pegasus's growth as a community, even if it was a city mainly of businesses and gambling.

"Um...?" the voice of her herald drew her attention. The batpony stallion, clad in the dark armor of the Night Guard, was looking over a small piece of paper. "Announcing, Lady Amethyst Star: Steward of the Everfree, Castellan of Castle Xaos and Vassal of Archduke Discord!"

With each title, Luna's eyes went wider and wider until they looked ready to fall out of her skull. To her understanding, the age of vassals was more or less over. True, there were still nobles and they still had their servants, but they were employees rather than retainers that had sworn their lives to support a liege. And while Celestia had one or two ponies that were effectively the castellans of Canterlot Castle, Equestria hadn't had a proper steward in ages.

"It's a pleasure, Princess Luna."

The Alicorn was brought of her thoughts as she looked down from the dais to stare at the pink coated and purple maned mare bowing before her, clothed in a yellow saddle dress with a skirt.

The mare's smile was disarming, respectful, coy and screamed of cunning.

Discord had either chosen well or trained her VERY fast.

Luna couldn't help bringing out her own poker smile, as it was now known, as she nodded for the pony to rise. "Well met, Lady Amethyst. Now, pray forgive my caution, but did D- the Archduke give you a form of proof that you do indeed have his permission to speak on his behalf?" she questioned curiously.

"Fret not, Your Highness. His Grace was more than expecting such a question," Amethyst assured pleasantly, magically reaching into her bag to pull out a scroll.

A scroll wrapped with a light blue feather.

Luna hummed curiously, grasping the parchment with her own magic, subtly casting all manner of detection spells. Other than the feather being ridiculously rich with magic, as expected of something from Discord, it was a complete normal letter. Her interest peaked, she unfurled it.

"To the Princesses and whoever else it concern,

Anyone in possession of my feathers speaks on my behalf.

Amethyst Star is my Vassal, Castellan, Steward, and most importantly the Discordian Translator.

Archduke Discord I of the Everfree"

"..." Luna knew Discord's writing. It was a very distinct thing, being one of the only individuals she had personal contact with that used opposable thumbs to write. Yet she had trouble comprehending that Discord ever made a message this simple and to the point. "...Discordian Translator?" Luna questioned with a raised eyebrow, idly noting the feather fading out of existence.

"An unofficial title, I'm sure you guess," Amethyst answered, just a bit sheepishly. "One of my duties is conveying His Grace's desires and complaints in the most reasonable and understandable manner I can." She elaborated as the feather appeared next to her, prompting her to put it in her saddle bag.

Luna nodded. That job might just be far, far more challenging than being a Steward. She had many, many questions, but this hardly seemed like the appropriate time for them. "I would assume that you came here for more reasons than just that?" she inquired with a head tilt.

"Of course, Your Highness," Amethyst assured as she levitated a fairly large stack of papers from her saddle bag, making the Moon Princess turn bug-eyed. The paper was nearly as thick as a stallion's fetlock! Since when was Discord big on paperwork!? "First off, while delivery mare isn't my occupation, I have been asked to pass this along," she stated, separating at least three-fourths of the papers and placing them next to the dais.

"And this would be...?" Luna asked expectantly, eyeing the stack of papers warily.

"It's correspondence of a personal nature between your person and the Archduke. Along with your royal sister," was the Discordian Vassal's vague response.

"Very well then," Luna acknowledged with a nod, beckoning her to continue.

"Yes, well, the first order of business relates to me, actually. The Archduchy being brand new, and My Liege having little reason to care about the latest rules of bureaucracy until now, we are not exactly sure how to go about acquiring the papers to officially list me as a resident of the Archduchy, let alone formally making me the Steward," Amethyst Star explained, raising an eyebrow at the diarch- or was it triarch now?

"Hmm, a genuine dilemma. There is far more paperwork involved in such things than there was in older days," Luna mused with a wave of her hoof. "Rest assured, I will have the proper documents sent to your master in as timely a manner as possible, enough that your Archduchy will not have to request more anytime soon."

"Whatever amount you're imagining, the Archduke respectfully requests that Your Highness double it," Amethyst Star stated bluntly.

"Oh? Is our dear Draconequus expecting a large influx of ponies coming to live in his domains?" Luna asked in interest.

"No. He intends to use half of them for making paper sculptures, such as hats and boats," Amethyst answered with a small smirk. "He claims he needs to do something entertaining with all this red tape if he has to jump through it."

Luna was silent for a moment before blinking. Internally, she sighed in relief. This...this is more what she expected from someone representing Discord. "I shall...most definitely grant that request, Lady Amethyst," she answered sincerely

"Thank you. Now, in regards to the official boundaries, especially those between the Everfree and Ponyville?" Amethyst Star commented. "Due to the...less than ideal relationship His ArchDucal Highness has had in the past with her Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle, he feels that matters relating to where his and her authorities end should be put to rest sooner rather than later."

 _'I just know that this will be used to annoy my sister's former student, but she does have a point,'_ Luna thought in bemusement. "I do not suppose the limits of Ponyville would be a sufficient manner of which to judge this matter?"

"Actually, that was our original intention, Your Majesty," Amethyst stated with a scowl. "But when we looked into the matter, it became...quite unacceptable."

"Oh?" Luna asked curiously.

"The boundary is of an informal definition, merely stating that its border is "at the edge of the Everfree Forest,"" the unicorn summarized. "Meaning that not only does Ponyville own a fairly large gap between them and us, if the forest were to be cut down next to Ponyville, the area cleared could be considered part of Ponyville."

"...I can plainly see why such a thing is unacceptable. Though, do you believe that with yourself as a intermediate, the Archduke and our youngest Princess could not find a suitable compromise?" Luna questioned.

"May I be blunt, Princess Luna?" Amethyst asked with a tired smirk.

"You may," Luna granted, wondering where this was going.

"While the titles are the same, you and Princess Twilight are different levels of authority in the land. Yourself and Princess Celestia are akin to High Princesses with Twilight as a Princess. And my liege's rank as Archduke makes him more or less an equal to Princess Twilight in terms of authority in this situation. And I have no desire for a pecking order to be determined over a matter as simple as this, least of all when My Liege is clearly trying to be civil," she stated firmly.

"..." Luna examined the mare in front of her carefully. "One day, Lady Amethyst, I would like to hear how Discord won your loyalty and service in a manner of days."

"A story I will one day share, Princess Luna," Amethyst assured neutrally.

"Then for now, I shall send a team to Ponyville, to measure the distances between the Everfree and the buildings currently closest to it. A rough draft of the borders will be made from there and, should the Archduke and Princess not have substantial complaints, it will be finalized at a future meeting," Luna issued royally.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," the Everfree Steward acknowledged respectfully as she shuffled through her papers.

"...Does the Archduke truly have that many concerns, so soon in his reign?" Luna asked curiously.

"Hmm? Oh, no, Your Highness," Amethyst assured with a bright smile. "Most of these are just doodles he shuffled in when I wasn't looking."

"Doodles...," Luna repeated, once more relieved by the proof of Discord still being Discord.

"His Grace likely put some in there as well," Amethyst stated with feigned exasperation, nodding to the large stack of papers still sitting by Luna. "I do apologize in advance."

Luna almost scowled, being reminded of the mysterious subject of those papers, but smiled all the same. "No need to apologize, Lady Amethyst. I am...admittedly impressed, that you can work efficiently with a master as...eccentric as Archduke Discord," Luna complimented carefully before taking on a small frown. "Actually, on the matter of personal issues? I have...a request for your liege regarding the old castle?" Luna started tentatively.

"Not to be rude, Your Highness, but I'm nigh-certain the Archduke covered whatever you're about to ask in those papers I gave you," Amethyst pointed out with a reassuring smile.

Luna blinked, glancing down at them again. Had Discord...actually thought ahead with consideration to herself and Celestia in regards to their old home?

"Moving on: if we have a formal issue or news to give to Ponyville, should we be sending messages to the Mayor, Princess Twilight, or both?" Amethyst asked curiously.

Luna had a feeling Archduke Discord would be the cause behind many current rules and methods of doing thing changing. Just the way he liked it, no doubt.

Still, she truly couldn't help thinking about it during the entire meeting.

Being a vassal was a serious thing. Not something done lightly if one understood what it meant, and Amethyst clearly understood.

How in Tartarus did Discord convince this mare to swear herself to him?

 **End of Chapter**

So, yes, there's the newest chapter. Sorry for the long wait. A...lot of stuff came up, and than Christmas happened.

And now Discord is starting to fill in his role as Archduke. I was going to show the meeting between him and Amethyst, but I thought adding a little mystery spiced things up. Still, yes, Discord is subverting everyponies expectations not only by taking this (mostly) seriously, but not doing it alone.

He now has his first Vassal in Amethyst Star. Being the Everfree Steward basically means she's his second in command and helps him runs the entire place- or runs it entirely if needed. Being the Castallan means she takes care of his castle. While it sounds like a lot of work, he's basically pointed her out as his new right hand.

How he won her over is anyone's guess, as is his goal in all of this.

Also, Late Merry Christmas!


End file.
